Gimme my candy, dammit

October 31st. Halloween. A day where witches and wizards and ghastly in-betweens run amok in the streets blowing up buildings with DIY Jack-o-Lantern bombs. Then they beat elderly folk over the head with brooms and proceed to steal candy from them. Except they don't have candy no more 'cuz they ain't got no teeth left, so all you can ever extort from them is the odd half-unwrapped, melting Fisherman's Friend covered with gross pocket lint. Then all them magic folk get wasted in dodgy bars and wander the streets arm-in-arm, all drunk and singing How much is that doggy in the window? until they get arrested or run over by trucks.

Ah, the joys of Halloween. Time for me to get my broom.