Literature on Crack

This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to any organization/person/historical event is purely intentional and meant to be laughed at. I shall not be sued.

Short Story 1: T3h Examination Day

Jordans' dinner time.

Dickie: It's my birthday! I'm twelve!
Mr. Jordan: Mmm-hmm.
Mrs. Jordan: That's nice, dear. Now eat your veggies.
Dickie: Dad?
Mr. Jordan: Shut up.
Dickie: Why am I Dickie? Shouldn't I be Richie?
Mr. Jordan: It sounds better. Shut up.
Mrs. Jordan: Actually, dear... It's all my doing.
Dickie: What?
Mrs. Jordan: I used to call you Richard-icky-poo.. Then it kind of got shortened to Dickie..
Dickie: OMGWTFBBQ!!!1111!!!!Shift+one!!
Mr. Jordan: Shut up. Go read your comic books.
Dickie: Why does it rain?
Mr. Jordan: Omg j00 r t3h st00pid!! ......To make the grass grow.
Dickie: lol k

--Examination Day--

Phone rings.

Mr. Jordan: Hello?
Government Educational Service: This is your friendly Government Educational Service, where we do our very best to kill off your children!
Mr. Jordan: k
Government Educational Service: Your son, Richard M Jordan is too intelligent for his own good. We decided he had to go when he started answering our questions in 1337.
Mrs. Jordan: Oh noes!!
Mr. Jordan: Mmm-kay.
Government Educational Service: We would like to extort 10 bucks from you now for the so-called Government burial which is, in reality, an alligator-feeding event. kthxbai

The End

Okay. I plead temporary insanity.