How to Challenge Fate

Sick of life throwing lemons at you? Tired of having to make lemon juice out of the damn lemons? Then you've come to the riiiiiiiight place! Because, c'mon, who drinks lemon juice anyway?!

How to Challenge Fate
~A Galveanstyle Exclusive~

1. The first thing you should do upon waking up is to fling open your bedroom window* and shout "TO HELL WITH YOU, FATE!!!" while shaking your fist at the world. Should it start to feel repetitive, exercise your creativity -- any variations involving the word "screw", "damn" and other such lovely four letter words are very much encouraged. Be sure to shout, yell and holler; being civil with Fate will not do at all. RAGE AGAINST FATE!!! RAWR!!!

*If you do not have a bedroom window, it is a sign that somewhere out there, Fate is having fun taking the mickey out of you while sipping champagne in a massage parlour. Run, don't walk, to the nearest available chainsaw and CREATE A BEDROOM WINDOW RIGHT NOW. Nevermind that your bedroom is right smack in the middle of the house and a window would mean having a view of the shared bathroom -- EVERYONE likes a big gaping hole in the wall!

2. If, upon looking into the mirror, you see Medusa looking right back at you, DO NOT PANIC! It's probably just yourself*. Don't waste any time trying to figure out how you've just turned into an ogre overnight, because there is now a 95% chance that today is A Very Important Day -- you're scheduled for a meeting with an important client, you're holding a press conference, you're going for a date with that hot hunk/babe/person of indeterminate gender you met yesterday, etc etc. Should it turn out that nothing of the sort is scheduled for today, don't worry, the ever sinister Fate will take care of that. Expect to run into random hot hunks today or emerge as a shining hero/really evil person/big meanie/total retard/asylum escapist on the evening news. In any case, there is nothing you can do to stop The Medusa Effect. No amount of makeup or hairbrushing is going to make you look remotely human again. RAGE AGAINST FATE!!! The best thing to do is to COSPLAY AS MEDUSA**. Hey, if you've got it, flaunt it!

*In the exceptionally rare case of having a real Medusa lurking in your mirror, it is generally agreed that the best course of action would be to panic, scream, panic some more, and then chuck your mirror out of your bedroom window. See, this is why you absolutely need a bedroom window!

**If, by any chance, cosplaying as Medusa is a complete impossibility, consider the following alternatives:

a) Wear a (fashionable) paper bag over your head. Be sure to give out the impression that what you're doing is a very, very serious and significant matter. If someone giggles or right-out laughs in your face, grab him by the shoulder (don't let him escape!) and say, in a very sombre tone: "You think this is funny? Did you know that 318 years ago, on this very day, thousands of people in my native country -- Slatqweikasdjei'dsa -- were slaughtered for wearing a paper bag over their heads? The great war, Teiuiwlajs, was initiated by our leader, Piuejalkgj on that day against the Woeirklas clan..." etc etc. Continue in this manner until you've completely lost him. Alternatively, if you're not in the mood for talking, drag him into a secluded corner, pull a paper bag (an unfashionable one) over his head and then punch the living crap out of him. All in a day's work against Fate.

b) Call up your work place or whoever you're supposed to meet today, tell them terrorists have just kidnapped your family/pets/neighbours/garden plants and no, you don't think you'll be going anywhere today. Hang up, eat some chocolate ice-cream, and go back to bed. Fate - 0, You - 1.

3. You head to your kitchen for some breakfast, but you've run out of your favourite food! AAAAAHHHHHH!!!! There's some lemon juice and leftover fruit cake from either last Christmas or last last Christmas or the Christmas you were born (you can never remember), but who the hell eats those?! RAGE AGAINST FATE!! Destroy all un-delicious and un-tasty food in sight and go to the nearest McD's/Pizza Hut/KFC/Really-Classy-Restaurant-That-Costs-A-Bomb-But-It's-Okay-Since-You're-Using-Your-Mom's-Credit-Card. Once there, consume everything that looks remotely edible. Eat your heart out, Fate!

4. You're surfing the net, killing random people online while reading the Almighty Galveanstyle, and BAM! Someone comes along and tells you to stop wasting your time and go study/work/kidnap garden plants/do something productive because tests are coming/your wallet's getting tight/you're not pulling your weight in the garden plant smuggling syndicate/"I say so!". RAGE AGAINST FATE!! Now, this one is really tricky, so pay attention. Ready? You sure? Okay. Don't do whatever they tell you to do. They want you to study? PLAY SOME MORE GAMES! They want you to work? GO WATCH A MOVIE! They want you to kidnap garden plants? SET UP A GARDEN PLANT ADOPTION CENTRE! They want you to do something productive? READ GALVEANSTYLE*!

*It is generally agreed by Really Influential People worldwide that Galveanstyle is the epitome of Unproductivity. Galveanstyle is not amused, and has repeatedly and very annoyingly persisted in appealing to be considered as the epitome of Random Insanity instead. As of today, the battle between G-Style and RIP is still ongoing.

5. If, while drinking from a glass and contemplating the eccentricities of life, you realize that the glass is now either half full or half empty, RAGE AGAINST FATE!! Break that stupid glass and go drink from a water fountain, which can never be a) half full, b) half empty, or c) remotely tasty.

In short, if things are not going well for you, make sure you're not going well for them things either.* If life throws you lemons, pick 'em up and trade them with a passing fool for a watermelon. Watermelon juice >>>>> Lemon juice. RAGE AGAINST FATE!!

*This sentence may or may not make sense, depending on whether the glass is half full or half empty.