The Mangrix

The Matrix Ultra Condensed ~Mangrish Version~

Once upon a time...

Scriptwriter A: Hmm.. we need a good name for him.
Scriptwriter B: Uhhh... how about we make it an anagram of "One"? Since he's like, THE ONE and all.
Scriptwriter A: Splendid idea, mate! It'll be... *short pause* ONE!!
Scriptwriter B: d00d, that's not even an anagram.
Scriptwriter A: Oh. Okay. Erm. Then it'll be... *short pause* NOE!!!
Scriptwriter B: .....I think we better try again.....
Scriptwriter A: Sheesh, okay okay. ENO!!!
Scriptwriter B: .........No.
Scriptwriter A: Good heavens, mate! You are IMPOSSIBLE TO PLEASE!
Scriptwriter B: No, you're just stupid. *writes down the name "Neo"*

~Start of Story~

Neo: I think my life got something wrong loh. But I dunno what wor. These strange people all keep chasing me leh. They all crazy ah?

Morpheus jumps out of a nearby bush.

Morpheus: Boo?!

Neo: Ahhhhh!! Aiseh, you want to gimme heart attack issit?!

Morpheus takes out two pills.

Morpheus: You?! Take red pill or blue pill?!

Neo: What pill what pill? You drug dealer issit? I dun want to buy anything!

Morpheus: RED PILL OR BLUE PILL?!

Neo: Why you so stubborn? What pill is that? You think I stupid ah? After you gimme poison how? Go away! Or not I call the police!

Morpheus: CHOOSE?! DAMMIT?!

Neo: Aiyoh, why you so like that ah? No friends issit? Okay okay, I take one. Got pink one ah? My fa-bo-red colour.

Morpheus: YEEEAAAARGH?!

Morpheus shoves both pills down Neo's throat.

Neo: !!

Neo wakes up in The Real World(TM). He looks around at all the pods using humans as batteries.

Neo: Fooiyoh!

Neo meets up with the rest of the (very much expendable) people. Since most of them are going to die in gruesome ways sooner or later, we won't bother going into the details.

Neo and Trinity have THE TALK at the coffee table.

Trinity: You are THE ONE.

Neo: What one?

Neo reaches for a donut. Trinity slaps his hand away.

Trinity: THE ONE.

Neo: Har? I very blur lah. What one ah?

Trinity: THE ONE, god dammit!! You will save us all from The Matrix!

Neo: May Tricks? Like April Fool issit?

Trinity: No no NO!!! Argh!!!

Neo: You dun explain how I understand? You think I Superman ah? Can read mind issit?

Trinity: Why, god, WHY?!

Neo: You donnow how I know?

Neo goes back to drinking his coffee which tastes like seawater.

Morpheus decides to test whether Neo is truly THE ONE. Neo goes back into the Matrix and is required to jump across an insane gap between 2 buildings.

Morpheus: This is THE Jump?!

Neo: Why you people so funny ah? How come everything also got "THE" in front wan?

Morpheus: Follow me?!

Morpheus jumps across like a 20-ton elephant.

Neo: Fooiyoh! You Superman ah?!

Morpheus: COME?! If you are the one?! You won't?! Fall?!

Neo: You crazy ah?! You want me to die issit?!

Morpheus: If you don't jump?! I will?! KILL YOU?!

Neo: .....yeah coming coming......

Neo attempts The Jump(TM).

Neo: Wahliao! Lei ligo jin yan!! Ngak ngooooooooooooooo----

(Translation: Wahliao! You evil person! Bluff meeeeeeeeeeeee-----)

Neo falls into traffic below.

Morpheus, Trinity and the rest of the Very Expendable People are skeptical about Neo being THE ONE. They pay a visit to the Oracle's apartment.

Neo sees a kid playing with a spork. The kid bends the spork by SHEER WILLPOWER!! ZOMG!

Neo: Fooiyoh! Do again!

Kid: Here, you try it.

Neo gives the spork his most intense glare. Minutes pass. Nothing happens.

Spork: Hahahaha n00b!

Neo: How come?!

Kid: There is no spork.

Neo: Har?

Neo looks at his spork suspiciously. He bangs it on a table a few times.

Neo: You trying to bluff me issit? You think I very stupid issit?! I beat you up kao kao then you know!

Kid: It is not the spork that bends; it is only yourself.

Neo stabs the kid with the spork. The kid runs off crying to the Oracle. Neo goes into the kitchen and finds an 'ah sam' sitting on a chair with one leg up while cutting her nails.

Neo: You the Oracle ah?

Oracle: Yeah? What you want?

Neo: Am I THE ONE?

Oracle: You think I so free ah? Wah, after everybody come ask me questions how?

Neo: You donnow issit?

Oracle: Wahliao, no respect wan you! I don't like you! You not The One! Go home! Shoo!

Neo: Har?

Neo is thrown out by Oracle's tough looking bodyguard.

Lots of things happen. Neo trains. People die. Agent Smith walks around being badass. Backstabbing. Morpheus gets kidnapped by Agent Smith. Trinity and Neo go after them. Cue Lobby Scene.

Neo goes through the metal detector. Metal detector goes off.

Metal detector: Beep beep beep!

Neo: Beep what beep?! Nothing better to do ah?!

Neo kicks the metal detector with RAGE.

Guard on duty: Sorry, but I'd like to check the contents of your coat.

Neo: Okay.

Trinity: Hey, wait--

Neo opens up his coat, displaying his wonderful collection of guns. Beside him, Trinity smacks her forehead at his stupidity.

Guard on duty: ......what the hell?

Trinity smacks Neo around.

Trinity: YOU ARE SO STUPID!!

Neo: Har? He want to see my coat wot!

Trinity: ARGH!! NEVERMIND!!

Neo and Trinity proceed to do some collateral damage to the lobby. They go save Morpheus with a helicopter magically obtained from the Matrix 7-11.

Agent Smith: Mr. Anderson.

Neo: Har? Who are you ah?

Agent Smith: How nice to meet you.

Neo: Nice what nice? You kidnap that Morphy something, you think I friend you ah?

Agent Smith: HUMANS ARE LIKE VIRUSES!

Neo: Har?

Neo shoots Agent Smith. Agent Smith dodges it in bullet-time.

Neo: Fooiyoh!

Agent Smith: YOU PEOPLE DISGUST ME!

Neo: So? You think I like you ah? You think you so pretty issit?

Agent Smith: I--- I HATE YOU PEOPLE!! WAAAAAAHHH!!

Agent Smith runs off crying like a little girl.

Neo: ...Aiseh, what's his problem ah?

Morpheus is saved. Neo is officially THE ONE. Agent Smith is crying somewhere. The world may or may not be a better place. Yay.

To Be Continued...