How To Impress Girls

~A Galvean Exclusive~

Tired of being a walking girl-repellent? Wanna be popular with the ladies? Then you've come to the riiiiiiiiight place! Sweep girls off their feet with your awesome charm TODAY!

*Warning label: Mild side effects include depression, low self-esteem, insanity, general creepiness and loss of life. Approved by the Health Ministry.*

1. Be Desperate

Girls just loooooooooove desperate guys. In fact, girls love them SO much they instantly play hard to get! And we all know that when a girl plays hard to get, it means she's interested in you, right? RIGHT!

Here's a good example:

Desperate Guy: hi!!!!!!!
Girl: Erm. Hi.
Desperate Guy: do u hav BF?????????
Girl: ...may or may not reply as he or she appears to be offline

SEE? SHE LOVES YOU!

Here's another common example:

Desperate Guy: hi!!!!!!!!
Girl: Erm. Do I know you?
Desperate Guy: lol no
Girl: ...okay...
Desperate Guy: asl
Girl: ...may or may not reply as he or she appears to be offline

Can you feel the love? I SURE CAN!

How about this one:

Desperate Guy: hihi
Girl: Hey
Desperate Guy: u r a girl rite????
Girl: Yeah...
Desperate Guy: wow! were u live????? got foto????? phonne numbr plz!!!11!!1!
Girl: ...may or may not reply as he or she appears to be offline

See? They're totally swept away by your charm! Desperate guys get aaaaaaaall the girls alright. Yeah baby!

2. Be Stupid

Nothing impresses a girl more than the overall stupidity of a guy. Why intimidate a girl with your intelligence when you can wow her with your amazing lack of it? Why engage in boring, intellectual conversations about philosophy, books and politics when you can talk about the awe-inducing mould growing on the soles of your feet?

Example 1:

Girl: Hey, what do you think about cloning?
Stupid Guy: cloning?? wats dat????
Girl: ..Uh... you know.. Dolly? The sheep?
Stupid Guy: ooohhhh i liek sheeep =p
Girl: ....nevermind.
Stupid Guy: eyy wana hear abt diz ting i foun in my nose lol?????
Girl: ...may or may not reply as he or she appears to be offline

Example 2:

Girl: Are you a fan of Roald Dahl?
Stupid Guy: ohhhh yeeaaah he's a good acter lol
Girl: Erm... Okay...
Stupid Guy: i liek his movies hehe
Girl: What about J.R.R. Tolkien?
Stupid Guy: ooooo wuz he on amerrcan idol???? yeah he sings well
Girl: ...may or may not reply as he or she appears to be offline

Example 3:

Girl: Hey, check out this site!
Stupid Guy: heeeeeeyyyyy wat u send me?! itz haccking me!!11!
Girl: It's hacking you? What?
Stupid Guy: id sez i haf 2 dl qicktime plugggin
Girl: Erm. Yeah. You need Quicktime.
Stupid Guy: itz iinstalling sumting on my compp!
Girl: Well, yeah, it's installing Quicktime.
Stupid Guy: omg im getting haccked
Girl: Relax, it's just installing Quicktime. It's not HACKING you.
Stupid Guy: howw 2 mak diz virus stopp?????
Girl: ...may or may not reply as he or she appears to be offline

Stupidity is always a turn on. Oh yeah.

3. Be A Man of Few Words

Girls adore men of few words.

Girl: I watched Star Wars, and it totally sucked.
Man of Few Words: lol
Girl: Ewan McGregor was hot as always, but his acting was mediocre.
Man of Few Words: lol
Girl: Darth Vader's Noooooo was awesome though.
Man of Few Words: LMAO
Girl: Hopefully Charlie and the Chocolate Factory will live up to the hype.
Man of Few Words: yeah
Girl: ...I think you are a dimwitted moron.
Man of Few Words: lol yeah
Girl: ...can't you say anything else?
Man of Few Words: ohh sorry hehe
Girl: ...You suck.
Man of Few Words: lol
Girl: ...may or may not reply as he or she appears to be offline