On Dealing With Felines -Side Story-

Why, oh why, do I even bother trying to get cats to do my bidding? What's the point of it all? [/Marvin]

It is almost impossible to extricate cats from your room.

When cats want to be in your room, there ain't no kicking them out. Observe.

Cats outside door: MEOW MEOW MEOW WE WANT TO COME IN MEOW MEOW!
Me inside room: I'm not listening! Nyanyanyanyanyanya! Lalalalala!
Cats outside door: MEOW MEOW MEOW OPEN THE DOOR DAMN YOU MEOW MEOW!
Me inside room: Lalalalalalalalalala~
Cats outside door: MEOW MEOW MEOW *beep*'in *beep* *beep* MEOW MEOW!

I open the door to protect what is left of my sanity. The cats rush in as though there's free pizza in the room and strut around looking all important. After sniffing about and finding that there is, in fact, no free pizza, they fall into their daily routine of "sit on everything that looks remotely fragile", "claw at everything that looks remotely expensive" and "shred everything that looks remotely important". After 10 minutes of this insanity I try to kick them out.

Me: Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!! OUT! OUT, ALL OF YOU!

I open the door and, using my awesome powers of Glarification(TM), attempt to send them out. Unfortunately, the cats counter with LadidaMakeMefication(TM). The Force is strong with them.

Enraged, I start to throw them out one by one.

Me: *picks up Cat A, opens the door and chucks him out*
Cat A: HEY!
Me: *picks up Cat B, opens the door and chucks him out*
Cat A: *dashes in while the door is open*
Cat B: HEY!
Me: ARGH!! *picks up Cat A, opens the door and chucks him out*
Cat B: *dashes in while the door is open*
Cat A: HEY!
Me: @#$)(#*$)(@#!!!!!
Cat C: *chews on my assignment*
Me: STOP THAT!
Cat B: *runs off to scale my curtains while I'm distracted*

The mayhem continues. Somewhere else in the world a squirrel sprouts horns after digesting radioactive substances. A fight breaks out in a bar over a piece of mouldy cheese. People die. These happenings may or may not have any direct correlation with the ongoing chaos in my room. They are, however, completely irrelevant to this story.

Me: STOP IT! GET OUT OF MY ROOM! NOW!!!

The cats respond to my BURNING ANGER(TM) by chasing after invisible cheese.

Me: FINE! FINE, HAVE IT YOUR WAY! I'M LEAVING!

I open the door to leave.

Cat A: *dashes into the room while the door is open*
Me: Yeeeeeaaaaaaaarrrrgggggghhqqprqerouiaogtjlakjgwtfbbq *gets an aneurism*

Conclusion:

Don't fight with cats. You can never win, so why bother?